news transcript from a reputed news channel -
“…. and these are nothing but human values which got the cat down from the third floor.
Moving on, we now take you to an important news from Maharashtra.
We are getting this breaking news live and exclusive from the Vidyavihar railway station, where there is a problem on the platform. Our correspondent Aditi Anand Bhosle is at the railway station covering this live. Aditi, what is the latest ?
Aditi: Indrani, there has been a lot of activity at this station. In fact a lot of the commuters have got so interested in the proceedings, that they got down from the train….
Indrani: Aditi , we have to interrupt you here, we are getting another important news from Kurla railway station. Our correspondent MaheshVidyarthi is at Kurla. Mahesh, what information do you have for us ?
Mahesh: Indrani, there is an absolute chaos at the Kurla station. All trains coming to this station from the north are absolutely empty. It is five in the evening and the American Tourister advertisement has been shot at this very station at this very time. So you can understand …
Aditi: .. Mahesh, Indrani ….
Indrani: Aditi, you will have to wait. As it is you are a new reporter and Mahesh has already handled reports like ghost of the killer cat and the reincarnation of the Desktop Baba as the Cellphone Baba. Moreover Mahesh gets more salary than you, so we need to get more work out of him. Mahesh , please continue.
Mahesh: Thank you Indrani. As I was saying that this station is known for the crowd , not of the variety that we used to speak of at the Delhi University while discussing South Extension, but of the type that we speak about statues in the memorials of Mayawati’s Uttar Pradesh. At five pm these trains are typically as loaded as french fries with cheese. But today they are as empty as the lunch box of an overweight man whose wife is a doctor. This is a surprise and there is a rumor of something happening at the Vidyavihar station. Indrani.
Indrani: Mahesh, we are getting similar reports from the Vikhroli station. We have Akrosh at Vikhroli, Akrosh, what is the latest at Vikhroli ?
Aditi: But Indrani ….
Indrani: Aditi, this is the last time I am going to tolerate this. Only few people like Barkha and Rajdeep are allowed to interrupt me. I have been covering news from the days when you started covering up your mistakes at home. One more time, and you would be demoted and sent to cover updates on NoisyIndia.com. Akrosh, please go on.
Akrosh: It is a similar story at Vikhroli Indrani. All north bound trains are empty like the movie halls which ran Drona. There is something which is causing a problem at earlier stations. Whatever the reason is we know that the Mumbaikar would rise above everything else and show the world what he or she is made of. A Mumbaikar would send a message to all those who want to disrupt the harmony that he puts his duty, his job of running this city on the topmost priority and would not be broken. A Mumbaikar …
Indrani: Akrosh, first we do not even know what has happened. Second, please do not waste these lines right now. When everything gets sorted out, we would need to repeat them again and again and they need to stay fresh. And lastly, do not use all the “strength-of-a-Mumbaikar” lines from the chapter 10 of “One liners for TV Reporters In India”. Leave something for us. We are your seniors. For those viewers who have just joined us - Mumbai is under a threat, again. There is abnormal activity in suburban trains and we are trying to get more details for you . Meanwhile, you can have a look at this graphic. The big blinking red dots are where reports of disturbances are coming from. Right at the center of things is the Vidyavihar station, where our correspondent Aditi is covering things live and exclusive. Aditi, what are you seeing there ?
Aditi: Thank you Indrani. As I was saying there is a buzz of activity on this station. There have been some spats between two groups and all the commuters have gathered around them to see what is happening. In fact people are increasing by the minute because everyone is getting down from their trains to see what happened. We are not able to reach the spot as everybody is trying to show their face to the camera and wave at us. But we have Bansi Chaiwalla who has just come out of the crowd and knows what is going on - Bansi, “Aapne Kya dekha ? (what did you see)”
Bansi : “Hum aapko nahee bata sakte, aap Marathi mein poocho” (I can not tell you, you have to ask me in Marathi)
(To save precious database space, the rest of the article has been translated into English directly, and does not use two languages. Everything in italics was originally spoken in Marathi)
Aditi: So Bansi, what did you see ?
Bansi: Fourteen Fifteen people came down from those stairs and started beating up a few boys. After that I started serving tea for everybody. After some time I had to shift to using plastic glasses as the crowd was increasing. Everyone wanted to have tea while watching those 15-16 people bash up those boys.
Aditi : What were they saying ?
Bansi: Mostly they were saying ,”Give me a cup of tea”. Some of them were also saying “with extra milk”. …
Aditi: No No, the 15-16 men, what were they saying ?
Bansi: Oh them ? They were shouting Jai Maharashtra and saying that these boys had disgraced Mahrashtra and Marathis.
Aditi: (Turning towards the camera) Indrani, it seems that this is another onslaught by the MNS for promotion of Marathi in Maharashtra. Let me try to get closer to the action, and I will report from there, back to you Indrani.
Indrani: It turns out that there is no problem with the trains -and it was only curious commuters. Mahesh, Akrosh you do not need to worry. And moreover you should have talked to Aditi before getting all worked up.
Akrosh: But Aditi never gives her phone number to me ….
Indrani: Akrosh, this is not the time to get personal. We have just received a message from Aditi that she has reached the spot of action. Aditi…
Aditi: Indrani, I have Bhonsle Bhau with us, who is an active MNS worker and in charge of this action against these boys. Bhonsle Bhau, why are you doing this ?
BB: Madam, this children have disgraced our culture. These are Marathi Manus but they have lost all their shame and sanskars because of spending their time with outsiders. These outsiders are not ready to change into Marathis, but they change our Marathi boys. Did Shivaji give up his life for these boys ? These boys are a blot to out society and they should be punished. And every other Marathi boy should know what is the right thing to do after this incident.
Aditi: But Bhosle Bhau, what have they done ?
BB: Madam, these are school children studying in sixth standard. Our group was looking for any one who had their shop name written in Hindi or English, when suddenly one of my boys Bholu got an urgent call of nature. You know that in Mumbai it is not hygienic to pee in public and it could cause all sort of infections, so he went to the nearest school to relieve himself. After a while he came back looking aghast and surprised. He took us all to the boys toilet. Madam, that toilet was full of dirty things written on the wall. We could not tolerate that , and asked the boys who did this. All of them told us that it was these 4 boys who had written all that. So we found them and bashed them.
Aditi: But you have beaten them so badly, they have to be taken to the hospital immediately.
BB: Yes Madam, we will take them. After all they are our Marathi brothers. But before that we will make them repent. We will take them to the school toilet and make them correct their mistakes.
Aditi: You mean to say you will take them to school and ask them to clean the toilet wall ?
BB: No Madam. Just correct their mistake. They have written all the dirty things in Hindi. They should write them in Marathi. We will ask them to erase everything they have written in Hindi and rewrite it in Marathi. After all, your future is in your own hands ….
Disclaimer: The author of this blog does not want to beaten up and does not want his blog posts printed out and burnt. But then, what the heck …